trapped thoughts

Wow, it’s been quite awhile since I actually sat down to write. To be honest, it was difficult for me to find the words to say with everything going on, and my creativity was almost non existent as I became stuck in what felt like an endless time-loop. Life was (and still is) like reliving the exact same day over-and-over again… I wake up staring at the same wall wondering how I am going to spend yet another twenty-four hours in quarantine. Whenever I would try to write, my thoughts would remain trapped, and the only thing that I could do was stare at a blank screen and blinking cursor until finally deciding to walk away. Inspiration faded, and writer’s block had inevitably taken over.

Instead of fighting it, I decided to accept it and step away for awhile. I did not want my passion for writing to diminish completely by forcing words down, so I waited. And waited. Until eventually, they began flowing again…

I have not forgotten about you guys, and I am going to try to become more active on this space. I love writing, and I am looking forward to many more posts to come. I hope that you are all doing well, and I would love to hear from you in the comments! It has been so long!

Has anything new or exciting happened recently? What have you been up to? Has quarantine been giving you writer’s block as well? How do you cope with it? Thanks for reading!

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Baby Boy!

It was a very exciting weekend for my family as this little guy entered the world, and I honestly teared up as I held him for the first time. My new baby brother is so precious, and God has truly blessed my family. I am looking forward to all of the wonderful memories that we will share, and I am so lucky to be his big sister… My heart is so full.

Welcome to the world, sweet Cole!

Being present

Quarantine isn’t all bad.

I think most people can agree that quarantine isn’t necessarily fun, and no one wants to be trapped inside for weeks. However, this process of slowing down has highlighted how chaotic our daily lives truly are. We are so use to rushing around all the time that we have become blinded by the constant distraction, and it has showed us how much we habitually go through the motions every single day. Honestly, I have been thinking about the past few years of my own life, and I realized how absent I have been in my family. I guess I never fully understood the impact that my busy schedule had on my life at home, and I started to see how much I have been missing. There were many nights that I wouldn’t be home for dinner, and I certainly didn’t have time to garden, bake, play family games, or take a walk with my sister like I do now. My mind was just so cluttered, and I often let my “seriousness” interfere with my true happiness. The past few weeks have taught me the importance of being present… Although my busy schedule will eventually resume, I am going to be more mindful about how I spend my time and always be sure to set some aside for those who matter most. I love you mom and dad! Thanks for reading, and I hope you are all doing well. What is something quarantine has taught you?

musings and music// 12-17-19

Lights decorate rooftops and illuminate the streets to transform an ordinary town into a magical wonderland. Children add the finishing touches to their snowmen, and roads become busy with travelers who eagerly head home for the holidays. Loved ones gather around the fireplace as warm cookies are munched, and special memories are made in the heart of December.

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I cannot believe that Christmas is only eight days away, and 2020 is right around the corner. This year really flew by, and I am shocked that this month is already halfway over. That being said, I hope you enjoy this month’s playlist, and happy holidays from my family to yours!

• A New York Christmas by Rob Thomas
• Carol of the Bells by John Williams
• This Christmas by Donny Hathaway
• It Must Be Christmas by Chris Young
• White Christmas by The Drifters
• Linus And Lucy by Vince Guaraldi Trio
• Candy Cane Lane by Sia
• Let It Be Christmas by Alan Jackson

What is your favorite Christmas song? Do you have any exciting plans coming up? What do you love about this time of year? Thanks for reading, and be sure to not miss my next post for a special treat.

Fall Semester 2019

This semester was harder than I ever expected, but I learned more life-lessons within the past sixteen weeks than any of the other semesters combined. Looking back, I am not really sure how I made it through everything, but I couldn’t be more thankful for the experiences that helped me become who I am today despite the challenges.

I always use to tell myself that nothing is impossible and that I could do anything I set my mind to if I was determined enough. This helped me achieve great things in the past, but this semester humbled me to realize that some things truly aren’t possible. I was pushing myself harder than I ever had before, and I was setting unrealistic expectations for myself. This year, I took a full semester at the college through dual-enrollment while dancing full time as a professional trainee ballet dancer. Though I had done this before, my academic courses were more difficult this time, and the demands were a lot higher. I was only getting about five hours of sleep every single night just to keep my feet on the ground, and the exhaustion/stress really started to take a toll on my health.

I learned that “you can do anything, but you can’t do everything.”

The problem was, I was trying to give 100% effort at both school and dance because I didn’t know where I would end up or what I even wanted anymore. A professional career in ballet is extremely competitive, and universities are also highly selective; I needed to be perfect at both. It was about mid-October when I realized that something had to change because I physically couldn’t do everything anymore, and I was wearing myself out… I had some big decisions to make. After thinking everything through, I decided to no longer pursue a professional career in ballet after Nutcracker which was one of the hardest decisions that I have ever had to make. Even though it is a huge change in my life, I know that I made the right decision, and I did what it best for me. Since then, I am so much happier, and I passed all of my classes!

Through it all, it truly was bittersweet to walk off campus for the last time knowing that some of my friends wont return in January… From the coffee shop shows, Friday morning laughs, “flying squirrel” (inside joke), study groups, and hot chocolate chats, I couldn’t have hoped for a better group of people to hang with. I made some great friendships, and I am so thankful for all of the wonderful memories! It certainly wasn’t an easy semester, but we got through it together. The Fall semester is officially complete. I can’t believe it, but we did it!!

Give Thanks

It is so easy to look around at all of the things that we wish we had and all of the things that we wish we could do… Honestly, we spend so much time focusing on what we want that we often loose sight of everything we have. This is the time of year to be grateful for the little things in life, pray for those who are struggling, and give thanks for all of our blessings. I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving 2019!

Nutty Weekend

Just like that, Nutcracker 2019 has officially come to a close, but I would do anything to go back and relive my moment as the sugar plum fairy…

I couldn’t be more thankful for the opportunity to dance such an iconic role, and it was truly an honor to perform. My second show on Saturday night was better than I had ever expected, and I can’t recall time where I was that happy onstage before. I was overcome with joy, and I truly danced my heart out which doesn’t happen everyday. I am not sure how my dancing was physically, but I think that last show was one of the best ones I have ever done. If anything, it is definitely something that I will remember for a very long time.

However, I am going to be honest and admit that it was not an easy weekend for me, and this Nutcracker certainly had its hiccups. I was in a lot of pain as my muscles kept seizing up in the middle of my dances, my Achilles was hurting, and I had a really bad cough that was a constant struggle. Also, slipping onstage during the pas de deux of my first show was far from the debut that I had envisioned.

Despite the circumstances, it truly was an incredible experience, and I am already missing that theater. It has been an amazing journey to get here, and I have made so many memories that will last an entire lifetime. Thank you to everyone who came out to support me and also everyone who encouraged me backstage. The entire cast danced beautifully, and I am so lucky to have shared that stage with such a talented group of artists. This was truly a dream, and I will always remember Nutcracker 2019…

-shadows-

“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.”

Quote: Ruth E. Renkel

Decisions

“Decisions. We can think about things, turn them over in our minds a million times, play out possible scenarios, but really when it comes down to it, you have to go with your heart and move forward. Maybe things will go well. Maybe they’ll turn out poorly. Every decision brings with it some good, some bad, some lessons, and some luck. The only thing that’s for sure is that indecision steals many years from many people who wind up wishing they’d just had the courage to leap.”

~Doe Zantamata

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It can be scary to make a decision especially if it entails major changes in your life. Sometimes, you are put in a situation where you are given two very different options, and you are forced to choose which path to take. You are not sure which one is “right” and you don’t really know where you are meant to go, so you spend time contemplating the alternatives. Days go by, followed by weeks, and even months. Your gut feeling tells you which path to take, but you are too paralyzed to actually make things happen because you worry that you are wrong and fear the pit of regret. However, you cannot spend your entire life dwelling on the unknown because the truth is that you are never going to be 100% sure of every outcome. It is not possible. You are wasting so many opportunities if you let fear take complete control and if you allow other people to sway your direction in life. Do what you want to do, and go where you feel like you should be. Definitely consider the outcomes, but don’t spend your entire life sitting around waiting because you are afraid.

Make a decision. Make it happen.

Reflection from the week…

*Photo Credits: Claire H.

It’s been awhile

Hello.

It’s been awhile.

How have you guys been? I know this isn’t the first (unintended) hiatus that I have taken this semester, and it probably wont be the last if I’m honest. However, I really hope that you guys stick around because I am not abandoning the blog! Life has just been quite crazy lately…

I have spent more hours in the school library than I can even count, and chemistry is definitely proving to be an “adventure.” I like all of my classes and professors a lot, but the work load/studying is much more intense and time consuming than previous semesters. I also took my SAT this morning, and I am beginning to narrow down universities that I want to apply/transfer into. I am really anticipating the score because it was my first time, and I really wonder where I will end up… On the other hand, I forgot to tell you guys that the college, where I am currently dual-enrolled, has selected me into The National Society of Leadership and Success!! I am incredibly honored to be a member of this reputable program, and I am so humbled for the opportunity.

Lastly, The Nutcracker will be brought to the theater in one month, so that is quite nerve-wracking. Rehearsals are well underway, but there is still a lot of work that has to be done! I will be sure to keep you all posted, and I hope that you are doing well. Also, an October playlist will be released very soon, so keep an eye out for that…

What have you been up to? How are your classes going so far? Are you a member of the NSLS? Are you planning on watching or dancing in The Nutcracker this season? Thank you for reading this super long post if you are still there!

*Photo: Flashback to last year’s family trip up to the apple orchard.