trapped thoughts

writing

Wow, it’s been quite awhile since I actually sat down to write. To be honest, it was difficult for me to find the words to say with everything going on, and my creativity was almost non existent as I became stuck in what felt like an endless time-loop. Life was (and still is) like reliving the exact same day over-and-over again… I wake up staring at the same wall wondering how I am going to spend yet another twenty-four hours in quarantine. Whenever I would try to write, my thoughts would remain trapped, and the only thing that I could do was stare at a blank screen and blinking cursor until finally deciding to walk away. Inspiration faded, and writer’s block had inevitably taken over.

Instead of fighting it, I decided to accept it and step away for awhile. I did not want my passion for writing to diminish completely by forcing words down, so I waited. And waited. Until eventually, they began flowing again…

I have not forgotten about you guys, and I am going to try to become more active on this space. I love writing, and I am looking forward to many more posts to come. I hope that you are all doing well, and I would love to hear from you in the comments! It has been so long!

Has anything new or exciting happened recently? What have you been up to? Has quarantine been giving you writer’s block as well? How do you cope with it? Thanks for reading!

Baby Boy!

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It was a very exciting weekend for my family as this little guy entered the world, and I honestly teared up as I held him for the first time. My new baby brother is so precious, and God has truly blessed my family. I am looking forward to all of the wonderful memories that we will share, and I am so lucky to be his big sister… My heart is so full.

Welcome to the world, sweet Cole!

Being present

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Quarantine isn’t all bad.

I think most people can agree that quarantine isn’t necessarily fun, and no one wants to be trapped inside for weeks. However, this process of slowing down has highlighted how chaotic our daily lives truly are. We are so use to rushing around all the time that we have become blinded by the constant distraction, and it has showed us how much we habitually go through the motions every single day. Honestly, I have been thinking about the past few years of my own life, and I realized how absent I have been in my family. I guess I never fully understood the impact that my busy schedule had on my life at home, and I started to see how much I have been missing. There were many nights that I wouldn’t be home for dinner, and I certainly didn’t have time to garden, bake, play family games, or take a walk with my sister like I do now. My mind was just so cluttered, and I often let my “seriousness” interfere with my true happiness. The past few weeks have taught me the importance of being present… Although my busy schedule will eventually resume, I am going to be more mindful about how I spend my time and always be sure to set some aside for those who matter most. I love you mom and dad! Thanks for reading, and I hope you are all doing well. What is something quarantine has taught you?

Update & University Search

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It’s finally Saturday! This was my first week back to school after having an entire month off, so it was a serious slap back to reality. Homework, deadlines, and exams are already on the calendar, but my brain is still on vacation (let’s be real.) I love my professors a lot though, and I am determined to finish strong because this is my last semester before I transfer to a new college. It isn’t going to be easy, but my goal is to finish with all A’s. I am currently taking Financial Accounting, Chemistry 2 and Lab, Algebra, Music Appreciation, and American Literature. Honestly, my classes are a lot harder than they were before, but I am up for the challenge… I think. I was also glad to see some of my friends again, but there are a few faces that I will miss seeing this semester as well.

As far as universities, I am almost finished applying to everywhere that I am interested. I just have to finish a few essays, and I will be all set. Yesterday, I completed my very first housing/dorming application, and the nerves really started kicking in as I began to consider moving away from home in a few months. I recently got accepted into a great school, but it’s farther from home than I was hoping to be… I am considering it though because my classes transfer better than the other places that I have looked into, and it looks like a beautiful campus. I always thought I wanted to dorm, but I am honestly beginning to wonder how I would feel about being far from my family especially with a new sibling on the way. Here come more big decisions…

I know this was a long post, but I have been really inactive on here and needed to catch up a bit. I hope that you are all doing well, and I really miss reading your posts. I appreciate all of you who have stuck around, and I am hoping to post more soon. What have you been up to? Has anything exciting happened in your life recently? Thanks for reading!

musings and music// 12-17-19

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Lights decorate rooftops and illuminate the streets to transform an ordinary town into a magical wonderland. Children add the finishing touches to their snowmen, and roads become busy with travelers who eagerly head home for the holidays. Loved ones gather around the fireplace as warm cookies are munched, and special memories are made in the heart of December.


I cannot believe that Christmas is only eight days away, and 2020 is right around the corner. This year really flew by, and I am shocked that this month is already halfway over. That being said, I hope you enjoy this month’s playlist, and happy holidays from my family to yours!

  • A New York Christmas by Rob Thomas
  • Carol of the Bells by John Williams
  • This Christmas by Donny Hathaway
  • It Must Be Christmas by Chris Young
  • White Christmas by The Drifters
  • Linus And Lucy by Vince Guaraldi Trio
  • Candy Cane Lane by Sia
  • Let It Be Christmas by Alan Jackson

What is your favorite Christmas song? Do you have any exciting plans coming up? What do you love about this time of year? Thanks for reading, and be sure to not miss my next post for a special treat.

Fall Semester 2019

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This semester was harder than I ever expected, but I learned more life-lessons within the past sixteen weeks than any of the other semesters combined. Looking back, I am not really sure how I made it through everything, but I couldn’t be more thankful for the experiences that helped me become who I am today despite the challenges.

I always use to tell myself that nothing is impossible and that I could do anything I set my mind to if I was determined enough. This helped me achieve great things in the past, but this semester humbled me to realize that some things truly aren’t possible. I was pushing myself harder than I ever had before, and I was setting unrealistic expectations for myself. This year, I took a full semester at the college through dual-enrollment while dancing full time as a professional trainee ballet dancer. Though I had done this before, my academic courses were more difficult this time, and the demands were a lot higher. I was only getting about five hours of sleep every single night just to keep my feet on the ground, and the exhaustion/stress really started to take a toll on my health.

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I learned that “you can do anything, but you can’t do everything.”

The problem was, I was trying to give 100% effort at both school and dance because I didn’t know where I would end up or what I even wanted anymore. A professional career in ballet is extremely competitive, and universities are also highly selective; I needed to be perfect at both. It was about mid-October when I realized that something had to change because I physically couldn’t do everything anymore, and I was wearing myself out… I had some big decisions to make. After thinking everything through, I decided to no longer pursue a professional career in ballet after Nutcracker which was one of the hardest decisions that I have ever had to make. Even though it is a huge change in my life, I know that I made the right decision, and I did what it best for me. Since then, I am so much happier, and I passed all of my classes!

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Through it all, it truly was bittersweet to walk off campus for the last time knowing that some of my friends wont return in January… From the coffee shop shows, Friday morning laughs, “flying squirrel” (inside joke), study groups, and hot chocolate chats, I couldn’t have hoped for a better group of people to hang with. I made some great friendships, and I am so thankful for all of the wonderful memories! It certainly wasn’t an easy semester, but we got through it together. The Fall semester is officially complete. I can’t believe it, but we did it!!

Give Thanks

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It is so easy to look around at all of the things that we wish we had and all of the things that we wish we could do… Honestly, we spend so much time focusing on what we want that we often loose sight of everything we have. This is the time of year to be grateful for the little things in life, pray for those who are struggling, and give thanks for all of our blessings. I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving 2019!

Nutty Weekend

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Just like that, Nutcracker 2019 has officially come to a close, but I would do anything to go back and relive my moment as the sugar plum fairy…

I couldn’t be more thankful for the opportunity to dance such an iconic role, and it was truly an honor to perform. My second show on Saturday night was better than I had ever expected, and I can’t recall time where I was that happy onstage before. I was overcome with joy, and I truly danced my heart out which doesn’t happen everyday. I am not sure how my dancing was physically, but I think that last show was one of the best ones I have ever done. If anything, it is definitely something that I will remember for a very long time.

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However, I am going to be honest and admit that it was not an easy weekend for me, and this Nutcracker certainly had its hiccups. I was in a lot of pain as my muscles kept seizing up in the middle of my dances, my Achilles was hurting, and I had a really bad cough that was a constant struggle. Also, slipping onstage during the pas de deux of my first show was far from the debut that I had envisioned.

Despite the circumstances, it truly was an incredible experience, and I am already missing that theater. It has been an amazing journey to get here, and I have made so many memories that will last an entire lifetime. Thank you to everyone who came out to support me and also everyone who encouraged me backstage. The entire cast danced beautifully, and I am so lucky to have shared that stage with such a talented group of artists. This was truly a dream, and I will always remember Nutcracker 2019…

-shadows-

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“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.”

Quote: Ruth E. Renkel

Decisions

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“Decisions. We can think about things, turn them over in our minds a million times, play out possible scenarios, but really when it comes down to it, you have to go with your heart and move forward. Maybe things will go well. Maybe they’ll turn out poorly. Every decision brings with it some good, some bad, some lessons, and some luck. The only thing that’s for sure is that indecision steals many years from many people who wind up wishing they’d just had the courage to leap.”

~Doe Zantamata


It can be scary to make a decision especially if it entails major changes in your life. Sometimes, you are put in a situation where you are given two very different options, and you are forced to choose which path to take. You are not sure which one is “right” and you don’t really know where you are meant to go, so you spend time contemplating the alternatives. Days go by, followed by weeks, and even months. Your gut feeling tells you which path to take, but you are too paralyzed to actually make things happen because you worry that you are wrong and fear the pit of regret. However, you cannot spend your entire life dwelling on the unknown because the truth is that you are never going to be 100% sure of every outcome. It is not possible. You are wasting so many opportunities if you let fear take complete control and if you allow other people to sway your direction in life. Do what you want to do, and go where you feel like you should be. Definitely consider the outcomes, but don’t spend your entire life sitting around waiting because you are afraid.

Make a decision. Make it happen.

Reflection from the week…

*Photo Credits: Claire H.