This semester was harder than I ever expected, but I learned more life-lessons within the past sixteen weeks than any of the other semesters combined. Looking back, I am not really sure how I made it through everything, but I couldn’t be more thankful for the experiences that helped me become who I am today despite the challenges.
I always use to tell myself that nothing is impossible and that I could do anything I set my mind to if I was determined enough. This helped me achieve great things in the past, but this semester humbled me to realize that some things truly aren’t possible. I was pushing myself harder than I ever had before, and I was setting unrealistic expectations for myself. This year, I took a full semester at the college through dual-enrollment while dancing full time as a professional trainee ballet dancer. Though I had done this before, my academic courses were more difficult this time, and the demands were a lot higher. I was only getting about five hours of sleep every single night just to keep my feet on the ground, and the exhaustion/stress really started to take a toll on my health.
I learned that “you can do anything, but you can’t do everything.”
The problem was, I was trying to give 100% effort at both school and dance because I didn’t know where I would end up or what I even wanted anymore. A professional career in ballet is extremely competitive, and universities are also highly selective; I needed to be perfect at both. It was about mid-October when I realized that something had to change because I physically couldn’t do everything anymore, and I was wearing myself out… I had some big decisions to make. After thinking everything through, I decided to no longer pursue a professional career in ballet after Nutcracker which was one of the hardest decisions that I have ever had to make. Even though it is a huge change in my life, I know that I made the right decision, and I did what it best for me. Since then, I am so much happier, and I passed all of my classes!
Through it all, it truly was bittersweet to walk off campus for the last time knowing that some of my friends wont return in January… From the coffee shop shows, Friday morning laughs, “flying squirrel” (inside joke), study groups, and hot chocolate chats, I couldn’t have hoped for a better group of people to hang with. I made some great friendships, and I am so thankful for all of the wonderful memories! It certainly wasn’t an easy semester, but we got through it together. The Fall semester is officially complete. I can’t believe it, but we did it!!
“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.”
Quote: Ruth E. Renkel
2019 flew by, and I am shocked that the new year is right around the corner. So much has happened this year especially within the past month, and I have a lot of catching up to do. Here are some of the highlights of October…
1 ) My mom is pregnant again
I never expected to hear this, but I found out that I am going to have another sibling in April! I am very excited to meet the newest addition to the family, and I am looking forward to all of the wonderful memories that will be made.
2 ) I took my SAT and applied to two universities
This was very stressful because I decided to wait until senior year to take my SAT, but I completed it at the beginning of the month and met the early action deadline for two universities. I should hear back very soon, so I am getting very anxious. I still have a few more to send though…
3 ) I choreographed two contemporary/modern solos for YAGP
I was asked to choreograph two solos for dancers competing in the Youth American Grand Prix this season, and I could not be more thankful for the opportunity. It was truly an honor to work with them, and I am absolutely blown away by their talent. I honestly felt like I was rehearsing two young principal dancers… I know that they will go far, and I am very excited for them to showcase their skills.
Also, Nutcracker is less than a week away, and we will be back in the theater in just a few days. Sorry I crammed all the updates into one post, but I hope that you are all doing well. Happy November!!
What have you been up to recently? How was your October? Do you have anything fun planned this month? I would love to hear from you guys because it has been bit since my last post. Thanks for reading.
“Decisions. We can think about things, turn them over in our minds a million times, play out possible scenarios, but really when it comes down to it, you have to go with your heart and move forward. Maybe things will go well. Maybe they’ll turn out poorly. Every decision brings with it some good, some bad, some lessons, and some luck. The only thing that’s for sure is that indecision steals many years from many people who wind up wishing they’d just had the courage to leap.”
It can be scary to make a decision especially if it entails major changes in your life. Sometimes, you are put in a situation where you are given two very different options, and you are forced to choose which path to take. You are not sure which one is “right” and you don’t really know where you are meant to go, so you spend time contemplating the alternatives. Days go by, followed by weeks, and even months. Your gut feeling tells you which path to take, but you are too paralyzed to actually make things happen because you worry that you are wrong and fear the pit of regret. However, you cannot spend your entire life dwelling on the unknown because the truth is that you are never going to be 100% sure of every outcome. It is not possible. You are wasting so many opportunities if you let fear take complete control and if you allow other people to sway your direction in life. Do what you want to do, and go where you feel like you should be. Definitely consider the outcomes, but don’t spend your entire life sitting around waiting because you are afraid.
Make a decision. Make it happen.
Reflection from the week…
*Photo Credits: Claire H.
We worry about if we made the right decisions yesterday. We worry about our ability to do everything “right” today. We worry about what will happen tomorrow…
That is a lot of unnecessary worrying, and these thoughts are often followed by anxiety which is detrimental to our health. It can be so easy to detach from our faith as we allow these unsettled thoughts to invade our minds, and we often forget that God has a plan. Hence, if we make a wrong turn somewhere down the road, things will always straighten out way that they are suppose to and lead us where we are meant to be. As hard as we try, we will never have complete control over our lives because most things are beyond our control. So why waste so much time worrying? Think about it: We can spend all day worrying about the past, but it will never change. We can spend all day worrying about the future, but most of the things we worry about don’t even end up happening anyways. Be fully present in this moment, and trust in God’s plan for your life. Never be afraid, and don’t worry.
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Matthew 6: 34
“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”
This is something that I am really going to work on this semester because I was so lost last year… I spent so much time trying to figure out how to overcome my stress/anxiety, but I think I have finally found my answer through faith. I hope that I can keep my eyes on Him, and not allow distractions to pull me away again no matter how hectic life gets. This is my goal for this new school year.
What is something that you are working on? Do you struggle with anxiety? Are you guilty of allowing worry to overtake your life? Feel free to share your thoughts on this in the comments section, and I hope that you all have a fantastic week (worry free).
I decided to compile a list of all of the things that I have been loving throughout the past few weeks…
- White Converse shoes: I am so happy to finally own a pair because they go with everything and are super cute!
- Elephant hoop earrings: I can’t remember going a day without these.
- Journal: I have written quite a few entries lately.
- Bobbi Brown Long-Wear Cream Shadow Stick: I am obsessed with this! I use the “Truffle” shade with eye-shadow, eyeliner, and mascara. The ending result looks so professional, and it really gives off a magnifying glow that lasts for the entire day. I love it so much!
- Yellow Shirts: I have had a thing for yellow shirts, and I don’t really know why.
- This music video: (half alive by still feel.) I meant to share this awhile ago, but I never got around to do so. You should definitely check this out if you haven’t already.
What have you been loving? Do you like any of these things? What did you think about the music video/song? Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this post!
“The mystic cords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart…should swell into a mighty chorus of remembrance, gratitude, and rededication on this solemn occasion.”
“Our debt to the heroic men and valiant women in the service of our country can never be repaid. They have earned our undying gratitude. America will never forget their sacrifices.”
~President Harry Struman
Wishing all of my readers a safe and blessed Memorial Day, 2019!